He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize