so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
