The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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