Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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