you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
