i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
