my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
