so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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