are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
