I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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