my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
