I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
