I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
