I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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