I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
