so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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