I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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