i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
