I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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