So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
