He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
