great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize