so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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