how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
