I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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