Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize