pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
