It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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