Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm passing your future prison.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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