If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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