I got chris browned last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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