Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
