I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
