Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
