just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
