I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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