you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
