can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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