seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
