I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
