I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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