There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
