we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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