You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
