I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
