nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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