so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
