I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
