Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
