I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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