So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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