also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
