i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
