Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
