I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
