Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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