Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
