The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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