Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you inspire me to be a worse person
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
