Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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