I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize