did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
