he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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