woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
