Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Randomize
