FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
