dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
