Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
