A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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