watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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