Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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