you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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