boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize