HIV tests are more positive than that guy
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
