I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm passing your future prison.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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