If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
