I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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