Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize