I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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