im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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