im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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