Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
