i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so let's talk penis.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
