So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize