i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
