Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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