dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
